ONCE AGAIN IT SNEAKED UP ON ME...

From My Own Little Corner

August 11 always sneaks up on me.  I try desperately not to think about it, but I suppose it is ingrained into my psyche, and so makes itself known even when I attempt to ignore it's coming.  Today is the anniversary of the day that I gave birth to my first child, my only daughter, my sweet Jessica.  It is the day that my life changed forever, the day that I lost a large part of my innocence.   She was so beautiful.  Dark hair, violet eyes, a tiny little thing at 5 pounds 7 ounces.  Her birth was the most anticipated event of our lives.  My brother used to come over and practice being an uncle, wheeling stuffed animals around and around, through the hall, into the living room, through the bedroom and back again, in  the stroller.  From there the little stuffed animal would go into the swing, to be swung until it wound down.  We were so ready for this little child. All the hope, joy, and planning...months of it!  We went to the hospital on August 10th, full of excitement and anticipation.  It was finally time!!!  After hours of labor, my water broke and it was dark green and thick.  Not good.  Then the baby's heart rate started falling and then stopping.  After 5 hours of watching that monitor, the doctors finally decided that a C-section was necessary.  I got an epidural, and after another delay of about an hour and a half, we were off to the delivery room.  I can remember all of it with such clarity.  The doctors, the nurses, my dear hubby standing at my head on the right side, then the sound of horror in the doctor's voice at the amount of meconium, them handing our daughter to the pediatrician, asking "How long?" with the response "5".  The OB yelling at the nurses to hold me shut, and going to the warming tray, telling the pediatrician she had her own patient to deal with she couldn't be doing his job too, and them finally getting Jessica intubated.  I remember them telling the nurse to get Dan out of there, he looked like he might pass out.   I can still recall the smell of the cauterization as the doctor closed my incision.  But, what I remember the most about that day is the love I felt for that tiny little girl.  The fierce feeling that I was going to do everything I could to take care of her, no matter what, and that is exactly what we all did.   Her birth severely damaged her fragile brain...she would never grow up, she would never do any of the things that we dreamed of while I was carrying her.  She was a fighter, and she stayed with us for 4 1//2 years and while she was here, the lives she touched were changed forever .  Being her mother is one of my greatest joys!  Thank you God for sharing such an amazing gift with us!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESSICA...mom and dad love you!

~Stef~

SUMMETIME, SUMMERTIME, HEY LOLLY, LOLLY, LOLLY

From My Own Little Corner Well, it is getting hot here in the mid-west, or for those who didn’t know, Missouri, not too far from St. Louis and the Mississippi, Missouri, and Cuivre Rivers. So not only is the temperature rising, it is getting HUMID!! Or, as Anne Ramsey says in “THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN”, it is getting “sultry”. And with the heat and humidity on the rise, getting the outside chores done has become an early morning, late afternoon endeavor.

The tiller is still in pieces in the garage, and appears destined to stay that way. Such a shame, but I refuse to throw it out, as you just never know when that part may fall into my lap, like manna from Heaven. So for now, it will lay on the garage floor, like an old toy that has been forgotten by it’s owner. The neighbor has managed to borrow a tiller from an uncle, so when it cools off this afternoon, we will till and weed the vegetable garden. The plants are growing nicely, but so are the weeds, and they always grow faster than the crops.

We have several other projects in the works. We are going to paint the shed to look like a barn, but we need to clear the forest that has grown around it before that will be possible. Of course, we need the chain saw for that. So, naturally, it spent 15 out of the last 21 days in the shop, over a span of 5 trips. ARGHHHH!!! Every piece of power equipment I touch this year has decided that it doesn’t like the idea of manual labor, and has crapped out on me. I did get it to work long enough to finish the rebuilding of the retaining wall around my flower bed under the bedroom windows. In pulling the weeds last week, I discovered it was rotting and needed to be replaced. So, intrepid homeowner that I am, I decided that we would tackle the job ourselves. For those who don’t know me personally, I am very stubborn when it comes to these types of thing, and once I decide that I can do it, I will not admit defeat. It took 3 days and the help of the hubby and the son, but it is DONE!!!!!!! We pulled the 6×6x8 timbers out from another bed that we decided we didn’t want enclosed anymore, and recycled them into a new wall. I used the chain saw to cut the timbers, and yes, I did do part of them. Jacob (the son) did one, I did the rest. When we were almost done, with the exception of drilling the last 4 pilot holes for the 12″ spikes that tie the timbers together, the drill died. So I drove those last 4 spikes with the sledge hammer! So the hubby, the son, and I built that wall all by ourselves. Granted it is not a very big wall and it is not perfect, but none the less, we did it! I told the hubby that by the end of summer, if we keep this up, I will be a buff, tanned, 50 year old, short person, and he will be a buff, tanned, 57 year old, tall person.

Well, I need to get the inside chores done, so that I can get to the outside ones that are scheduled for today. Hope all of you have a great Memorial Day weekend, and for those who serve, both active and veterans, THANK YOU !!!!! Don’t forget to thank our service men and women, and to remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice in defending our freedoms.

For those who read both of my blogs, I realize that this post is redundant, and as soon as I have more time, the two blogs will not be the same, but for now, this is my solution to the time crunch. LOL In otherwords, I am cheating!!

And as always, please pray for peace and enlightenment. My your God bless, and keep, you and yours.

Do You Have A House Or A Home?

From My Own Little Corner My home is my refuge from an increasingly crazy world. It is where I go when I need to feel the warmth that only family can give. It is my husband standing at the kitchen stove, the smells of his latest culinary creation filling the house and spilling over into the ourside air. It is the smell of homebaked cookies. It is the smiling faces of my two sons, glad to be safe within the walls that have housed them all their lives. It is the sound of 3 smiling dogs barking, as they run to greet any who come to visit. It is the feeling of soft, silky fur against my ankles and legs, as one or more of the 5 cats, purr their affection. It is the sound of the mockingbird, that has been here for years, singing his song for me, while I sip coffee in the early morning light. It is the gardens that my boys have lovingly planted for me every Mother's Day, until they surround my home, bursting into bloom every year, and filling the air with a fragrance only God can make. It is where friends come to visit and leave as family. It is the place where I want all the people that I love to be, my husband, my children, my parents, my siblings and their families, and my friends. It is in my heart always. It is where every good memory I have has been, and continues to be, born.
My home is the one place, where I can go, that is filled with sunshine even on the cloudiest day.

Is your house a home?

May your God bless, and keep, you and yours. Pray for peace and enlightenment.

Memories-Old And New

From My Own Little Corner Well, it has been several weeks since I last posted a blog entry. In that time we have celebrated Thanksgiving and this year there is truly much to be thankful for. My mom is doing extremely well, my dad is a healthy 81 years old, my oldest son, Nathan, got married to a wonderful young woman named Nicole, my youngest son, Jacob, continues to do fantastic at college and will graduate in May, my husband and I are fat and happy, my brother and sisters and their families are all healthy and happy. We have a home, with a dry bed and food in our bellies, which is so much more than a lot of people have, and for that, we give thanks. I have friends that have lost their jobs, their homes and are in worse shape than they have ever been, but they haven't lost their faith and continue to remain thankful. It looks like Trina and her gang may move into the house across the street and I'm not sure who is more excited, she or I. Randy's "Misfits For Jesus" ministry is booming, which can be looked at in two different ways. Hallelujah, he is touching the lives of so many people. At the same time it is sad that there are so many that are homeless and in need of his services. Check out what he is doing at http://www.misfitsforjesus.com/. My sister, Sabrina, generously opened her house for all of us again this year for the Thanksgiving meal and it was scrumptious. Thanks, Bebe for all of your hard work. I will leave it to Trina to post pictures of that family gathering.

All in all, God has been VERY, VERY good to us this year and I am enormously thankful.

At this time of year I tend to get a little melancholy. One more year is past and it is time that I cannot get back. When I look at the pictures of my little boys, I can't help but be a little sad that those days are gone. The days of Santa Clause, of the excitement as they wrote their letters to the guy in red, the look on their faces when they got up on Christmas morning and saw the little elf footprints, that I had so painstakingly made from cornstarch, that led from the fireplace to the tree, the wonder in their faces as they watched the Christmas lights on all the houses as we drove home from Memaw and Pepaw's house on Christmas eve, the way saying "Santa Claus is watching you" was able to stop whatever naughty thing they were doing. I really miss those days and almost feel jealous of my friends that still have those little guys to enjoy the holidays with. But the memories are always there and now that they are grown, we have the opportunity to make new ones. A new daughter-in-law, new traditions to celebrate, and the excitement of waiting for them to come home are all new for me. I suppose that I will eventually get used to the new traditions, but for now, I miss the old days. I miss having my son right here with me. I miss the two little guys that are wearing those pilot's caps. I miss my daughter.

For those of you with little ones, cherish every moment. They will grow up fast enough and then you will look back and wonder where the time went. I know I do.

Blind Ambition

From My Own Little Corner Well, I haven't written a post in a while because someone asked me a question about the election, and I have been mulling it over. I know you're getting tired of hearing about it, but come next Tuesday we will go to the polls to elect a new President and, to me, one of the most important of our duties, as a citizen, is to vote. But first, I have added a few more pictures, including the one at the top of this post, and I am going to try to add one each time I post(I have LOTS!). I love photography and all these pictures were taken by me on my Nikon 35mm, developed at Wal-Mart, and then scanned and copied to my computer. There is also another award from my baby sister, Catrina. She is one of the most wonderful people, kind and warm hearted, and though we often disagree on things like politics, we still respect one another. My other sister Sabrina, is generous, smart, loyal, hard working, and we share many of the same views. My brother, Randy, is the funniest, and he also has a heart of gold. He works tirelessly to help the homeless in St. Louis with food. But much more important, he feeds their souls and spirits by teaching them about the wonderful gift that God gave us when He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die for our sins, and he helps me to remember the path that I should follow. My dad and mom are the reason that we all turned out the way we did. We are diverse, we are alike, we are kind, we are proud, we are patriotic, we are spiritual, we are generous, we are soft hearted, we are fiercely loyal, we are democrats, we are republicans, and most of all, we love each other with a love that is unconditional. In all the people that I have met, I don't think I know any other family quite like ours. And these traits are not just in our immediate family, but in our extended family as well. We have all married people that are just like we are. These people have made me who I am. I am an independent, hard headed woman. I know what I think and I make my decisions based on the things that I learn by studying books, magazines, news reports, newspapers, and anything else that I can get my hands on. Having established these truths, I will now tell you what I have been thinking about these last few days. I have been asked why I don't vote for Sarah Palin, after all, we have something in common, we both are mothers of a special needs child. First, Sarah Palin isn't running for President, John McCain is, but even if she was the nominee, I still wouldn't vote for her. I have been watching her for these last 6 weeks and I just don't understand what she is doing. Politics aside, she has a son that was born in April with Downs Syndrome, and this child needs special attention that he can only get from his mother and her being with him all the time. And I am not saying that his father or his sisters aren't effective, but he needs special nurturing from his mother. He has a long row to hoe. When I see her with him on stage, late at night, out in the bright lights and noise, and the cold, I have a hard time believing that she puts his needs first. I had a daughter that was severely handicapped and personally I am appalled at the way they are using this small child. These children need special attention, especially from their mothers. At this time he needs extra care, even more than a child without special needs, for he is bonding, learning to roll over, learning to sit, and all the other things that are learned at this age, but he will need to have extra help. He needs a schedule for his feedings, his bedtime, his exercises, and any other therapy-physical & occupational-that he may need in order to develop to his full potential. He needs stability. I watched her speech on special needs children and was moved by what she said. That may be due to the fact that I have had to deal with the myriad of problems that come with being a mom of a special needs child. My question is this; why aren't you at home with your son? I know that most children do quite well with working mothers and it may be, that at a later period in his life, he will also. But right now Sarah Palin's first priority should be that 5 month old baby boy that the Lord blessed her with, for he is Heaven's Very Special Child. Ambition can come later. If she won't set aside her ambition for her child and do what's best for him, then why should I trust that she will do it for a country full of strangers? Please pray for peace and enlightenment, and may your God bless, and keep, you and yours. Don't forget to vote November 4Th.

My Award

From My Own Little Corner Just a short post. The award that you see at the right was given to me by my baby sister. And now I will say to her, and the world, that I love her more. I have the best family in the whole wide world. They are all so special and I can't even begin to tell you what they mean to me. I am truly one lucky woman.